drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
