Apparently you make a good broom.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
