Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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