Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
