I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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