just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh god it's open bar.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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