Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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