Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
