What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
