Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
