I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
