and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
