areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
