they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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