my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
