You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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