Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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