It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
