It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
