she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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