Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
