You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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