tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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