my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
