forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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