So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
