i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
