I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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