I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
