tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
