I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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