No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
