Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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