And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
