There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
