Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
bring money and cleavage
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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