your thong is hanging out like whoa
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
