I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
