There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
