I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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