who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
