I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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