No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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