Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
