i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
