Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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