He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
