you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
