How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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