I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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