I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
