Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
